Infertile by ovarian cancer: How my desire to have children fulfilled but still

Sandra was just newly married when she learned she has tumors on the ovary. Actually, the Couple wanted to have a Baby. However, the disease made a stroke through the bill. Sandra’s desire to become a mother was finally fulfilled in spite of that – in a very different way.

My family consists of my husband, Karl*, our daughter (6.5 years), our son (almost 2 years) and me. We were newly married and in baby planning, and when it turned out that I have tumors on the ovary. Karl brought me back with the words to the hospital: “don’t Worry, we will have children. It doesn’t have to be physical. And so it came to be.

Shortly after my stay in the hospital, I signed us up for an adoption info evening in the youth welfare office. Karl was initially absolutely pro Adoption of a foster child – he was scared, you could take in a foster kid for just one day. To the info evening, we went with the naive idea that we want to do what is Good for us the whole world is already waiting for us. Since we had deceived us powerful – to 800 children 6000 already tested parents come in pairs. Since we had to swallow first the whole of nice.

With the neighbor I was talking about foster children

I went with a neighbor who already had a foster child and thus a lot of experience, for a walk. She told me very much about children in foster care. When I got home, I discussed all of this with Karl. Then I called child protective services and take me to the next info evening for parents, foster parents, asked.

As luck would have it, was on the same evening an event. We are, therefore, listened to everything and knew: That’s what we do. Within three weeks we had sent all the necessary documents to the youth welfare office. We went for a training and had some appointments with the youth welfare office. Then it was: Wait.

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Our first foster child was five months old

After a few months, the awaited phone call came that a little girl is looking for a new home. She was five months old and was a preemie at 28. Week of pregnancy to the world to come. We have agreed to and then first the birth parents and later the child is taken.

After that, there was a so-called initiation, in these three weeks, the Little we could and get to know us. Two months after the call, she moved out of the willingness to care for us. We noticed that she was kind of in their own world. The first few months, we have worn them almost non-stop, my husband always said, the girl had to refuel near. If you know your history, it sounds logical.

You came as a premature baby to the world, her birth parents came from the third day to the hospital. The Little one had to fight through this difficult time alone. Even if the Doctors and nurses have done everything – you can’t replace mom or dad. Today, it is clear that this has left a Trauma. She does have a hard time with emotional ties.

Finally, a seven-week-old Boy came to us

On the Friday before the first Sunday in Advent, 2016, the second-awaited call came that there is a seven-week-old boy. Monday we went to the youth welfare office and saw him for the first Time. The very next Friday, he moved in with us. He’s doing great, is happy and healthy and are sure to be enchanted with his Laugh.

I think that what foster children need most is security, reliability, incredibly a lot of love. And also very much the understanding, the willingness to accept them as they are. I also believe that it is important that you accept the family of origin and not demonized. At some point the child will deal with his biological parents.

We also come sometimes to our limits – especially in the case of the Big one. She has due to their past have a very low tolerance for frustration, and explodes on a regular basis. You “does not work” just like most of the other children. You need for much much longer and in the meantime, the is your also aware. This, in turn, makes you even more of himself to doubt. In order to assist you better, we do a lot of training. Currently I’m doing a special pedagogical training. In addition, my husband and I attend for a year a so-called Step-parents course designed specifically for foster parents.

Our rights and duties as foster parents

Our duties are no different than biological parents. Our rights, however, are always dependent on where the concern is right. In the case of the Major, the concern is with the biological parents. The Little one has a guardian.

If the concern is still with the biological parents, we need to go day-to-day decisions on how to Vaccinate, or in which nursery the child, the consent of the parents. That was for us but so far no Problem, neither in Vaccinated nor in the day-care centre and school choice. For class and OPs we have trips, the permission of the birth parents.

We should make it outside of Europe on holiday, we would have to ask, however, again and a written confirmation that we may take the children. This sounds after a lot of effort. I do not feel it so, because in proportion it is quite rare that you have to close with the birth parents in the short.

Over 90 percent of the children never go back

Both care relationships are to be permanent. That is, if you are aware of the standby or short – term care, actually the rule. Over 90 percent of the children never go back to the biological parents.

The biological parents of the children are at home with us a topic. We have the Large currently the subject of. You have to talk it over always age-appropriate and it is Best if the child has the need. We find it very important that it is not a taboo subject. If the children have questions, make them simple and we act from the belly. However, we don’t never talk bad about the birth parents, the. In the end, to make the children’s later self-image from their parents.

Prerequisites to a nursing child

In order to become foster parents, there should be the partnership for more than three years. You should have a regular life and a Job. It is required a certificate of good conduct and otherwise makes you look rather blank – what is useful, so that the children will really come into good families. You should, of course, be willing to work with the youth welfare office and up to a certain point with the family of origin to cooperate.

As foster parents you will be more tolerant. A foster child is always a bit of a Surprise – and in the case of biological children is the same. You have to go easy on the foster child. Our development, I think that’s wonderful: We were foreign to us and now we are a family. I love you and you are my children. I would like to make courage: family doesn’t always mean that there are biological children.

*All names have been changed at the request of the Affected

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