For six years we were together, five of which I’ve shared him with others. How would you feel if a parallel world is discovered, with a table, bed, everyday? A Report On My Experience.
You were naive, some say. I say truths always have two sides. Of course, I can think of it, how often, and where Bernd during the five years, the other has taken. I can imagine everything in Detail as he diapered at the end and the vial warmed – then me is bad. I can teach my perception but also on other, just-before-seen part of the reality. On Depth. Close. Laugh. Passion. A Couple made what so many others fail: in the Transition from the Love of fireworks into a constant blazing flame. The tightrope walk between fusion and self-determination.
I’ll never forget, like Bernd, managing Director of an orthopedics company, to me, at that time senior physiotherapist in the hospital, as a new contract partner, was presented. In Polish Shoes. Ridiculous. The short of it, at the Christmas party, circled around the Red-cross-Gigolo with greedy-greasy type any amount of giggling women. There was a Mix of entertainer and Clown. To with laughed my own dismay, I eventually. Listened to me, as we went out to smoke, how he came to his profession. He pulled the pant leg, which had been separated under the thigh of him as a child of the tram. Possible that it is only the Smooth had to win to contour, so the Clown got a Chance. Mentally. And physically. In the very first night.
“You live with your Gypsies,” said one of the Girlfriends
Bernd love – this seemed to be a real Alternative to the “romances” as they have taken place increasingly in the friends circle. “You live with your Gypsy,” said one of these Friends. I enjoyed how we worked obviously to the outside. To master it is felt as an adventure, something like a daily life with one that was as foreign service employees nationwide between hospitals and rehab clinics on the road. And also otherwise quite unconventional. Time we lived on Bernds Twelve-Meter Yacht, “Daisy”, sometimes in my Two-room apartment, then again everyone was. A love in a fast-paced, high-pitched, sometimes confusing pace.
But as a formerly staunch Single with a But against ownership claims, it is not surprising that fast. Not about spontaneous turning in the direction of the mainland – “customers” – through frequent hotel stays or a permanently-placed Trolley in the trunk. Not about phone calls, for the Bernd and then withdrew into the next room, or on the other side of the boat. Probably was staged in the first time nothing. I probably had him really for me. This is just the Darn: that you think to yourself then later on nothing. Except, perhaps: he is just. And: I love him.
After about a year it must be started. If he went on dates, he wore now, more recently, sneakers. But instead of more to hook I delivered to him, possibly even a template “for Other customers?” Yes, there’s this representative from Iceland, the wool present prosthesis wearer in “a sporting environment,” he said.
What was really going on, I know of “the Other” that I met in the last year to a debate in the Café: “We went to rock concerts or in the evening at the Elbe river and with a can of beer.” Patent leather shoes? She giggled. So Bernd would be. But he is also just. The more information I put like pieces of the puzzle together, the more transparent the pattern that has driven these people are. That it was allowed to give, for example, no intersection. Here are the baseball cap, as the pleats. With the help of a rock, the other is rather dapper on the go.
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As we entered the space, he forged with the Other plans
“It was April when he called on my display,” said the Other. Whether you come with your Catering company on a Yacht. It was when he proposed me to move to a common apartment. In clear text: As we advanced in space, knew you his boat, maybe even his body.
The other city with a sensational penthouse apartment, his financial support in building my independence, and with 80 km distance of the new center of life was not lured out of the world. “Wow,” marveled Girlfriends who visited me during the tour through the apartment and the practice space. Whether it is me, however, would not interfere, that Bernd was so rare. I gave myself relaxed.
Actually, I know that, in the meantime, he forged with the other plans. It was clear to him that you wanted to have children. “Don’t talk”, I asked my talkative Over in the Café. Your truth hurts.
But it is not only the truth that hurts. It is also the bitter realization that I’ve pushed away the voice of warning, there were a few times, but, simple. One of the first evenings on our Penthouse terrace, for example. When he showed me pictures, the documented supposedly the beginning of a new Business. People with beer bottles, in a party mood, on the Daisy. He rented his Yacht now so through an Agency. To me, the additional source of revenue liked.
I would have to wonder in the past?
What I didn’t like, was this woman in boots and Mini, which is rejected because of the railing. “Who are you?”, I asked. “Belongs to the group, which has rented the boat for the week,” he said. I was ashamed for my question. Where he stood with me, but always all the freedoms. I know, it sounds weird when I say that I enjoyed it so much. To go several times a week with Girlfriends to the gym. With Girlfriends, the men of “self-realization trips”. While Bernd just said: “Nice that you’re so active.”
But our relationship was not what some people think, if you listen to my story: any. Also, if lacked, what other couples is so important: a defined daily routine. With fixed days, times, Islands of togetherness.
Spontaneous data, often via SMS – this is more like how it went with us. Teen in prison? Phone messages can have a very Unifying! It was as if my thumb over the buttons would have a direct line to his heart – and the other way around. “I love you”. “Just sleep again…” Who would come in such a short message on the idea, he could have just another cuddly? Or maybe even a child in the Arm?
I thought: Who is so intimately, the acting
Even today, where I know the facts, can’t follow my imagination. Especially when I think of what happened when Bernd then after several days of “Diensteise” came home. I got flowers, was cooked. Sometimes lots of little candles made a path to the bedroom, where he kissed me for hours.
Perhaps the tremendous physical attraction is a statement. For one, despite hot-held meals, which ultimately end up in the garbage, indulgent and think: Who is so intimately, not acting. In the case of the really “in the short term, what came up”. In the field, it was now time, he said. Other men throughout the week are on the road, why should I complain so about two, three nights, I said to myself. Of the head said.
And the belly said: So deep after a long, Separated-to Be just, if one has missed. I see the way, right up to today. And I am not alone in this. A therapist helped me to understand how this works: externally, a two-pronged approach to and inwardly from a full heart love. This enormous concentration of applying it needs, so that a slip never something out of it. The Name of the other. The Film, the one yesterday – with her. What you “could cook”.
“There were no slips, stains, and any anomalies?”, ask a lot of
Clearly, I could have been crazy. Or just simply have confidence in. At the call of the banking consultant – “MRP” – on the economic crisis, think (and not to any additional Rent). The Thong in the pocket of that coat wonder. Heiner from the yacht club would have cleaned up this merry Party the other day in order for the nose, it said. Heiner so, the Joker. Should I speak to him? After you had not seen the keyword boat rentals – for almost two years? “That’s interesting, do you like fetishes?” .
I would not make a Film about the experience, I knew whether it would be a Thriller or a Comedy.
“There is much to discuss Important”, sent a woman’s voice on a Sunday morning through the intercom. “Now it’s your turn,” I said to Bernd. Quiet, businesslike, almost, as I would have expected something like this. In the following seconds, I remember as if in slow motion. The view through the window next to the door. The realization: This is the woman from the photo. As he opened, she gave him two slaps, left, right. And went. Probably the weirdest Moment of my life.
Wordlessly, I grabbed my stuff, drove to a friend’s. Opened the envelope, I still had the letter box found. A photo, Bernd on a sun lounger, his legs a little girl, a year old maybe. What’s there to clarify, so that you can? I wanted to and no longer want to see him.
Once I went there, wanted to see where the other half of this life has played
The Meeting in the cafe was difficult enough, but important to understand. He and she had agreed to meet only a few Times on “the Lady”, then this apartment became vacant, just behind the dike, she said. And that it would you don’t mind, he was so rarely there. “In a weekend before finally even less.” Familiar somehow, the thought.
Once I went there, wanted to see where the other half of this life has played. From the balcony in front of fun with finger paint-painted Windows one has a view of the pier. But the “Lady” was not there.
“You? Back to health?“, it was amazed, when I came to inquire into the office of the port administration. Last missing puzzle pieces made the incident completely. A Plot in which no Business occurs with boats. The fact that said photos showed is probably just as Bernd omitted with friends of her celebrated, scares me a little – compared with the Story of the stroke that should have me confined to a wheelchair. “We have always focused greetings…”, so my incredulous head schüttelndes. The boat was sold “long ago”.
How to take it?
There are only two options: You remove this time from memory. But in order to paint something of themselves. That’s why I choose the second way: I am differentiating. Recognize also Good, as I said.
The two worlds in which Bernd has moved, were not in competition. And because there is probably no one who did it as perfectly as this man, can I hope. I don’t have to make me, to make the next Time everything will be different. To mutate into a control freak, for example. Or me a so-called “healthy” distrust. This would have saved me only Painful, but also infinitely more Beautiful.