Christina had arrived with 40 years at the low point of their thoughts revolved only around food and vomiting. No way out in sight. Only when you half a chance to look deeper at the underlying causes, she managed to get the illness under control.
“Model disease”, as many think. I was 40 when I arrived with my eating disorder at the low point. The least a 40-Year-old watch Casting-Shows on TV or dream of bodies on the Catwalk. It is not just the case, at least. If the true reasons were known, found out women are much more likely to break out of the vicious circle, I believe. When I finally found the help I already had a 20-year ordeal behind me.
I worked at the time, twelve years ago, as managing Director of a marketing consultancy and has worked for a lot of on-the-go. Ideal for this type of Addiction: stalls. Tank. Here a bar, there’s a sausage. Sent, I found reasons also, if I made it an early night as my business partner who was also my life partner. “I’ll go get us some food”.
Silent vomiting, you can train
Slices of pizza, Pudding… Often I started on the road to stuff food into me. And then I go to the Puke again to another Store. Just anybody can remember. Not Once in the seven years of our being together got Markus* (Name changed), what delivery. Without knowing it, motivated me more: “it’s Great how you keep your figure.”
Fear of getting caught, if I vomited after the binges? I had not. Noiseless gagging, at home as in the company that you can train. Clear: You sweat, the Make-up runs, the breath smells. That’s why you always have a pocket mirror, a toothbrush and some powder. It is said that you could quit at any time.
Food: The temptation is always there
Eat less, diets – there were times when I seemed to be to create it actually. Days, weeks, but not longer. The alcoholic might say: I let go of the beer. Food to omit. The temptation is always there. A automatism, at the very first Time it was so.
I can still see myself with Friends in an Italian restaurant, sitting. At the beginning of 20 I must have been there and worked as a Stewardess. Pizza, Pasta, tense at the end of the waistband. “A Tiramisu?”, asked one of us. “Oh, Yes,” pleaded the stomach. “Oh, no”, countered the reason. And then I had to once this dialogue between two colleagues from the flyer in the ear Stay lean? “Just to put the Finger in the neck.”
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Compulsive Klogänge and Scratching in the oesophagus
It worked. When I came back, everything felt easy. I was able to order with no remorse the Night. The method seemed to have only advantages. Easier weight control. This is not really the issue.
“A quirk,” I thought for a long time. However, when you read this article in a magazine, the 30, I must have been, I felt caught me. Almost everything is met: the compulsive Klogänge. The Scratching in the esophagus. But: difficult Childhood? Me us heart for the memories of my time as a child: fresh baked Apple pies, climbing trees was rather warm. Later, my mother was my best friend. Comforted me in Love, made me feel a little with the stress of exams. Great to be able to someone tell you everything. Almost all of it.
I did it only once a day, then every couple of hours
Only today I know that My career was also an escape. Long I thought that some people are always restless, unable to be truly with yourself. Only later I saw that my career should distract also from deep-seated Fears. All the time I was busy.
First, I attached the Job as a Stewardess on the nail and made the OJ, in Hau Ruck process. Screw noodles, Chips: In learning groups, something Edible was tangible at the time, always, against the Stress. From dress size 36 to 42. From time to time, the Finger in the neck, as the Italians? No longer helped. So I did it more often. Only once a day. Then every couple of hours.
Superficially everything seemed to add up
The success came promptly. Not only in the Form of purzel of pounds, even with the pressure I could handle it better now. Food can be a Comforter. Soothes, does well. For the Moment. The Break afterwards liberated from bad Conscience. The interplay of both is like a scaffolding that is Holding. The business administration degree, finally, the rapid rise in the company: all This, for me, is never feasible have been possible without the valve Addiction, I say today. And that it’s a miracle that my body has played long to the few niggles. That is not the typical problems were: diseased stomach walls, loss of hair, lack of period.
Superficially, the bill seemed somehow to be working. But the surface is deceptive: I was a stranger. From my ambition, for the customers, for which I sacrificed myself to exhaustion. But above all: from the permanent circles of thoughts about food and Break. The would come Completely collapse soon. Would not have rebelled in my soul then, in his own way.
My addiction had given me security
As I bent me back over the toilet, and it no longer worked. Nothing came to me. Do you think you’re going crazy. What to do with the tension, the Pressure? “The separation of Martin me,” I heard myself saying, when people said I look bad.
This love was actually already over for a long time. The strong shoulder to Lean on, which had fascinated me in the beginning, turned out to be a facade. He, the Rational, the I, the Emotional – the fit basically never together. I was never really seen with my Distress, my Fears. Nevertheless, I managed to go. Had to be terrified of being alone. Made it until I was already at the absolute low point. Maybe because the separation was now only a tiny step compared with the loss of what had given me over the years, security and protection: my addictive behavior.
Advice and help with eating disorders
The Federal centre for health education information on its website www.bzga-essstoerungen.de about eating disorders and has a search function for Germany-wide consulting.
Anonymous help for victims and their families, the “ANAD” supply centre for eating disorders provides, for example, by phone at: 089 / 219973 – 0.
Psychotherapist Andreas Schnebel has been working for 30 years at ANAD with Essgestörten.
Be tip: If you have the feeling that friends or family members who suffer from the disorder, then you make individual allegations and ask him to just. Ask, instead, be careful, as it is to him and whether or not it could be that he’s suffering from an eating disorder. Do not push it: of Course, not everyone is immediately. After practice so be patient and ask at another time again.
Long-forgotten images of Childhood appeared
It is probably the worst time of my life. Days I coped with only with the greatest effort. The total loss of Meaning. -Want To Die. Then I received an invitation. A lecture on awareness. Esoteric Stuff? The curiosity was bigger. In the hall, I felt that my doubts were small, and that, to me, this person was able to give the front of something Important.
Two weeks later, I was sitting in his practice. He suggested to me a Return to Childhood: a kind of Meditation, a state between waking and Sleeping. Long-forgotten images appeared. I, the little girl, the grandmother on the Arm. The mum, waving as she goes to work. Again and again this scene. The bitter tears. The Pain.
A deep love for life
It took three sessions, and the Unbelievable happened: I heard the au to hand over to me. A miracle, it’s nice to see some. This is not it. You just have to be critical of the taboo to break-even at first glance, heal the past. It is not a question of accusing or blaming. No parent is flawless. And my parents wanted always only the Best. It comes to dealing with deep injuries that almost everyone has. But, look closely, has a Chance to fill the Void. To finally be who he really is.
I have learned how I can give me self-respect and self-worth. “Be good to yourself” – a set of keys. A good relationship with my mother has changed, fortunately, nothing – but on the job situation. I am descended from the marketing company, have started out as a Coach. It’s a joy to keep track of how my essgestörten clients, this hardness disappears against themselves. The facial features become softer. And a deep love for life.
It is still not even aware of doing, and remain free
Only once, four years after my “liberation”, there was a relapse. I see me just run to the toilet. The Finger in the throat. But I also see that this time something is different. It was like a Test. It is still not even aware of to do and free. Since then, it has never happened again. And since then, I have no fear that it might catch me again.
I became a joyful Person. Have learned that work must also be fun. Eat a long time with enjoyment. In free time I dance Tango. Which brings me to me. In my body, is now allowed to have quiet a few more kilos, without me freaking out.
Expert interview bulimia: A shock can shake up the Affected
Bärbel Wardetzki, psychotherapist and author, talking about eating disorders
Anorexia and bulimia – what is the difference?
Bärbel Wardetzki: Provides a classic Anorexic next to a Bulimic, you can see it immediately: The Bulimic is slim, thin, but not so noticeably skinny and bony, like the Anorexic. The bulimia tend to remain unrecognized. The Addiction is an interplay of feeding and crushing attacks, from an inner “I want” and “I do nothing”, often accompanied by the taking of laxatives and appetite suppressants. The desire to eat breaks through anyway. Anorexics, by contrast, a life of total control. Some eat five small sliced grapes of the day, and more.
That sounds dangerous.
Bärbel Wardetzki: Both addictions can be life-threatening. In the case of the anorexic, especially infections are an issue: The emaciated body simply has nothing more that he can put a viral attack. Problems a falling pulse and a low blood pressure. Bulimiker the inside often suffer from heart rhythm disorders, the kidneys can be damaged. In addition, the stomach attacks acid the teeth, resulting in tooth decay. In the extreme case, it leads to tears in the esophagus. A corollary of both addictions is osteoporosis.
What can outdoor to-do list?
Bärbel Wardetzki: it is Very important, your own perception and concern. So, roughly: “to Me you’re very thin, you have problems with the food?” In General, a Protest was about to follow. Nevertheless, it is important not to cover the secret by turning a blind eye and remain Silent. But to make it known: “I see something, what are you hiding”.
Even with fierce resistance from Affected tendons, often unconsciously, then, that someone finally realizes what’s going on with you. And even if you give the first shock: a shock can also rattle them. Well, I think, for advice and to inform self-help groups on a case-by-case. Also a discreetly placed small cards with the address of a point of contact can help.
What is the most common reason for eating disorders?
Bärbel Wardetzki: There are a number of reasons, here may be the only real individual advice or therapy will help. The core question is always: At what point is the woman can’t handle the life, so the food is a solution? By the way, I note that eating disorders are in women, with 40 or 50 Plus, more and more theme. The body is changing, you would be happy again like I used to. The Problem is not so-God knows-only young girls!