"Everything is put forward as safety, so if you question what is happening, you start to look like a dangerous woman, a bad mother," said the columnist.
Pregnant women should take more ‘control’ in the delivery room, believes parenting columnist and parent Milli Hill.
Hill, a mother of three, was reportedly left traumatised by the birth of her third child Albie, born after she had an episiotomy or a surgical cut to the opening of the vagina. She said that while the conversation was often about how to help those traumatised by birth, it rarely focused on the reasons that led to it.
A pregnant woman hardly has a say in the delivery room with doctors and nurses telling her what they would do, not asking her permission to do it. To exercise one’s agency, women need to ‘put themselves in the driving seat’ during labour in her new book Give Birth Like a Feminist.
During childbirth, the woman gives her bodily autonomy and rights to the doctors, thinking they have little choice but to accept what is happening. “Everything is put forward as safety, so if you question what is happening, you start to look like a dangerous woman, a bad mother,” Hill was quoted as saying, pointing out the lack of consent and understanding in the delivery room.
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TV actress Chhavi Mittal, who has lately been in the news for chronicling her parenting journey on social media, also talked about a similar experience a while ago. With a 10-month-long pregnancy, the actress went for hypnobirthing, a natural pain management method used during labour and birth. Her doctor, however, disapproved of her methods and administered her a labour-inducing drug, even after she shared her entire birth plan with the hospital in advance.
CHAPTER 3- THE WORST WAS YET TO COME Due to the panic attack post the drug, my dilation completely stopped. I failed to go back into hypnosis. For the next 7 hours I felt no progress. At 1pm, I was put on pitocin, my surges started coming every 30 sec & lasted for 2 min each. I was in excruciating pain, but still determined to bring my baby into the world naturally. I started dilating again & 2 hrs later I was 8 cm dilated. But my doctor came in & said she’d like to take me for a C-section. I put my complete faith in her and agreed to whatever she said. But her attitude towards my whole birthing process completely shook me up. She said some things which I could not respond to at that time, but they will remain engraved in my mind forever. This person who was with me thru this journey of 9+ months.. this person who had seen my strengths & weaknesses, who had seen me naked physically and emotionally. She told me, “your labour is not strong enough, your body is not meant to do this, if you felt pain, you would be screaming, not sleeping.” That was the first time I realised that she was never onboard the hypno-birthing to begin with. If she was, she would believe in the power of self-hypnosis. The months that I had spent practicing it… I couldn’t believe my ears when she beamed with pride, “Don’t worry, I’m famous for giving really small incisions. You won’t have a big scar!” I couldn’t believe that after all this, she thought that a scar is what I was worried about. And then suddenly, as if there was no time left, within minutes a wheelchair came to wheel me into the OT, the staff disappeared, the other doctors came, and it all felt surreal. I remember I had to go to the loo, and when Mohit was taking me, me walking at a snail’s pace due to the pain, my doctor came shouting from behind, “abhi ye sab chhodo.. seedha catheter lagayenge.. jaldi karo”. Mohit just stared at her in disbelief and said, “doctor she just needs to pee. Please give her time”. I heard a “tch” from the background & she stormed out. To be continued… ______________________________ #chhavimittal #chhavimittalbirthstory #birthstory #delivery #labour #doctor #pain
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Later, Chhavi’s husband was stopped from accompanying her to the operation theatre. “I can’t even begin to tell you how scared I was when I heard that. I tried to reason with my doctor that it was the first point mentioned in my birth-plan. She started yelling again for some reason. I remember wondering what that reason was,” she wrote on social media.
Chhavi stood her ground and demanded her husband’s presence. She added, “…told her (doctor) if Mohit did not accompany me, I will walk out right now.”
CHAPTER 4: THE STAGE WAS SET I remember having a conversation with Mohit in the loo. He said “Baby I’m not comfortable with the way they are rushing you. You are already 8 cm dilated and have gone through the whole labour. Why now?” I told him, “I don’t know what to do baby, just that we should trust the doctor”. After all, what else could I do besides putting all my trust in her. With a heavy heart, I proceeded to the wheelchair. But I didn’t know that the worst was yet to come! Outside the OT, suddenly I was told that Mohit cannot accompany me to the OT. I can’t even begin to tell you how scared I was when I heard that. I tried to reason with my doctor that it was the first point mentioned in my birth-plan. She started yelling again for some reason. I remember wondering what that reason was. But frankly I didn’t want to know. I just wanted Mohit to hold my hand. I was going in for surgery, and was being asked to go without the man who accompanies me to office, to cafes, for shopping, to schools, to events, you name it. How could I go into surgery without him? He’s my support system. He’s my everything. We had prepared for this day for months together. He’s my protector. And here I was, surrounded by people who all felt alien and insensitive. I could barely breathe through my surges, and my own doctor was yelling at me “Chhavi now it’s all medicalised, this is protocol. I will not allow Mohit in my OT”. I looked at her and with tears in my eyes and pain in my voice. I told her, “doctor why are you doing this to me?” She turned her eyes away. I told her if Mohit did not accompany me, I will walk out right now. The paediatrician whispered into her ear, “let him come, he just wants to hold her hand”. And my doctor took her phone and yelled again, “I can’t allow this.. I’ll have to speak to the authorities” and she exited. Later I came to know that all my friends who had delivered at this hospital were accompanied by their husbands for C-sections. They were even offered choice of music in the OT. But now, I had to fight. And I fought with every ounce of energy in my body… TO BE CONTINUED… ___ #chhavimittalbirthstory #chhavimittal #operatingroom
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