The arrival of a new Bridgerton series always has us talking about something or other – from the first season’s steamy sex scenes to the delayed gratification in the second.
And Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story is no different. However, it’s not passionate bursts and slow burns that have sparked discussion this time around, rather a certain catchphrase from the protagonist herself.
On numerous occasions during Queen Charlotte’s six episodes, the titular monarch offers up an usual way of consoling her loved ones.
Whether it’s to Prince George when he’s grieving his daughter and her baby, or Lady Danbury after the loss of her husband, Queen Charlotte showcases her own form of sympathy by using the rather glacial and detached phrase: ‘sorrows, sorrows, prayers’.
Like please cry in private like the rest of us #sorrowssorrowsprayers #queencharlotte #shondaland #bridgerton #netflix #fyp #viral
While it might seem like a cold-hearted response, the catchphrase has certainly sparked something in people.
In fact, people on TikTok have since shared times they’ve also felt similar when they didn’t know how to react to an emotional situation.
Speaking about the phrase, actress Golda Rosheuvel – who plays the fictional character in the Netflix hit – recently said in an interview: ‘I mean I hope that’s going to be a hashtag, do you know what I mean?
‘I think comedy has to come from truth and the truth is the complex relationship that she has with her children. The need to show some kind of love, but the complexity of society and the dedication and the need for an heir. I think she is struggling with all of that in that moment.’
#queencharlotte #bridgerton #sorrowssorrowsprayers
And in many ways it’s a lesson in boundaries.
It’s a prime example of learning how not to absorb someone else’s sadness or anxiety when they are sharing it with you.
It’s also a great tip for coping when someone is ‘trauma dumping.’
Therapist Victoria Jeffries tells Metro: ‘It is perfectly healthy to have boundaries in place when it comes to taking on other people’s emotions; in particular, when it comes to other people’s sadness and anxiety. While empathy and kindness are, of course, positive traits to have, it is essential to be aware that absorbing other’s negative emotions can be detrimental to your own mental health.
‘In many cases (especially in the case individuals who are highly sensitive), people can internalise other’s emotions to the point of feeling physically drained and depleted. This can leave you with a host of complex, (usually negative) emotions, that don’t actually belong to you.’
This is where boundaries come into play.
‘Boundaries are essential here,’ she continues, ‘as you are signalling to others what is within your remit, or what may be “too much” for you emotionally.’
And these boundaries will actually make your relationships stronger.
Victoria continues: ‘Far from being detrimental to your relationships.
‘Keeping boundaries is, in fact, likely strengthen your relationship with others as there is less of a chance of you feeling like a “doormat” or martyr, who gradually comes to resent the feeling that their experiences or emotions are not always considered. This can lead to feelings of being taken advantage of – and , possibly, resulting in you “cutting off” the person who has been sharing their sadness or negative emotions with you altogether.’
However, Victoria points out that while healthy boundaries are essential for your own wellbeing, it’s important to be compassionate and, ultimately, kind.
This is perhaps something Queen Charlotte is slightly lacking – even though she’s well-intentioned.
‘It is important to be mindful of other’s feelings when setting boundaries,’ adds Victoria.
‘It is important to be mindful that you are not detaching from the other person’s emotions to the point of being completely cold and uncaring.’
How can you do this? Victoria has some pointers below…
How to be sensitive while looking after your own wellbeing:
‘Being mindful of what are your own feelings (when someone else is sharing or offloading their strong emotions), and what aren’t; it may help to tell yourself that what you are feeling is compassion; this is not your sadness and you do not need to take these feelings on. It may be useful to ask yourself; are these my feelings? Or have I just internalised or absorbed what I just heard?
‘Being aware of how much you can handle; for example, if you have previously noted that you started to feel particularly drained or negatively impacted emotionally after 1 hour of listening to the person in question, it may be a good idea to keep this time limit in mind. It may not be necessary to completely avoid or cease listening to anything negative a loved one or colleague says but be aware of your own threshold.
‘Another way of keeping boundaries while showing sensitivity may be, suggesting other ways to spend time with the person/loved one in question. Doing productive activities can sometimes be more effective than ruminating on sadness, anxiety or problems and it may be useful to suggest doing something together, such as a simple walk outside or a hobby or activity they enjoy, that does not necessarily involve talking or (for you) listening. This may also enable them to have an emotional welcome break from what they are going through.
‘Gently pointing out that, while you are there for them, you may not be the best person to help them in the long run; and they may benefit more from professional services, such as counselling or support groups. This way, you are not rejecting or closing yourself off to your loved one/friend in need, suggesting alternative support that may be more appropriate for them in the long run.’
Therapist Victoria Jeffries
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